Stroking The Penis.

The "Sex Lives of Animals" exhibit at the Museum of Sex had us alternately fascinated and repulsed -- although we learned awesome facts about animal sex (did you know female hyenas have pseudopenises?), the images of a snake's moist hemipenis, a tortoise humping a curb, and female bonobos vigorously "g-g rubbing" their engorged genitalia against each other will forever feature in our nightmares.

Life-sized Real Dolls (supposedly the most realistic of sex dolls) were highlights of the museum's permanent collection. We felt them, stroking the penis and fingering the rubbery vagina and boobs, but we weren't satisfied. What did excite us were videos of fetishes that we never knew existed! Balloon fetish:  fill up a room with balloons, pop them (or watch someone else pop them), and you'll get off. Cannibal fetish:  pretend your partner is a piece of meat (literally), coat him or her in butter and/or shove an apple in the mouth, string 'em up on a spit and lightly toast over a fire.  Hot!!!!

Gross, Gross, and extra Gross. There is a reason why children don't learn about animal sex and this exhibit shows everything you never wanted to see. Museum of Sex, 233 Fifth Ave: www.museumofsex.com/exhibit/sex-lives-of-animals