Sex Art Update #2

If you need more nudity in your summer, check out Summer Sexy, an online exhibition of hot and naked art!

Want to ogle these works in real life? They're all available for purchase, and proceeds go to various charities.

Blowing And Fiddling Wet Naked Men

We at Naked People Naked Blog have a deep appreciation for all things nude, and so we are proud to bring you this thrilling example of public nudity straight from Sweden's Water Fairy of the Year competition.  This 15 year old tradition is held as a nod to Swedish mythology, but even if you're not interested in folklore, the spectacle of naked men standing in a river and serenading a crowd will surely capture your attention.   

Enjoy this video from a Swedish news station and hang in there through the Swedish -- remember, nudity transcends all boundaries!

(Perhaps we can start a naked Hudson River Water Fairy contest to bring the nude watery musical glory to New York!)

 

Accidental Porn Poetry Part Deux

For your enjoyment, a tiny morsel of delicious porn spam. Please send us your porn poetry or wonderful spam...

Date: Sat, Jun 20, 2009 at 6:15 PM
Subject: Take this smart and helpful guide to fantastic male pride. It's up to you what dimensions you wanna have.
To: illegalshylock@yahoo.com
With a big instrument you can have even the most arrogant woman.
Biggiesize it here and now - don't lose you chance.

Date: Sun, Jun 21, 2009 at 1:48 AM
Subject: Now you don't have to be depressed over men who are well-blessed. The magnitude of your size is more important than general guise.
Whether you travel West or East your pants will always hold that
beast. A beauty for your eyes your mega giant size.

Date: Mon, Jun 22, 2009 at 6:45 AM
Subject: It's always a question of size - so it's time to act. Supersize it - don't wait another minute.
To: illegalshylock@yahoo.com
Huge biceps don't matter as much as huge member. You feel like a giant
comparing to the midget in your pants?

Key to Naked People Naked Blog

This just in: People looking up "war of the worlds radio broadcast" and "how to make your penis bigger tutorials" really like Naked People Naked Blog.

Awesome.

Accidental Porn Poetry

For some unknown reason a person that we know, who shall remain nameless, receives vast quantities of animal porn spam. This is the first of many installments of real spam that is so beautifully written that we accept it as poetry.

Date: Fri, Apr 10, 2009 at 2:37 PM
Subject: A Peep behind the barn doors and get hornyy
buddy
porker, and
man. She came
Mrs. Brown's--smiles chromatogram securing her affection. aleck

Date: Tue, Apr 7, 2009 at 10:22 AM
Subject: You feel like your little friend is a real degenerate?
To: highlyinterested0601@gmail.com
Women will bake you pies because of your mega size.

Date: Mon, Apr 6, 2009 at 6:21 AM Subject: The gorgeous girls will stick to you like magnets to the fridge. To: ilovedeadpuppies@gmail.com Attention from beautiful women is guaranteed to you.

Date: 2009/5/7 Subject: Barnyard babes spread their legs for deep sex
brenner dimple
Miss Hawkins. Could bookend
leg-- do byrd
for every real chute day before
azimuthal of manner,

Date: Sat, Jun 20, 2009 at 6:15 PM Subject: Take this smart and helpful guide to fantastic male pride.
It's up to you what dimensions you wanna have.
To: illegalshylock@yahoo.com
With a big instrument you can have even the most arrogant woman.
Biggiesize it here and now - don't lose you chance.

Upcoming Naked Events

To get the most out of your weekend these are our recommended Naked Event that you should be attending. Nudity all around for everyone. Check them out and let us know what you think. We will be putting a calendar up soon so stay tuned and stay naked.

June 12^th 7:00-10:00pm Sex Sells @ 3rd Ward, 195 Morgan Avenue, Brooklyn. Free; This Friday is 3rd Ward’s opening for Sex Cells, a group show of dirty photos, videos and texts taken by people nationwide via cell phone. The show is free, and they’ll have complimentary drinks and music by DJ Alden F. Fonda and Unicornicopia. Spy on the voyeurism from 7-10.

June 12^th 8:00pm doors/9:00pm show Air Sex Finals @ Highline Ballroom, 431 W 16th St.$15; The time for you to lose your air virginity is NOW. Last year, The World Air Sex Championships erupted prematurely…oh, it erupted alright, all over the historic Paramount Theater- but this year, we’re really digging in for a pounding. Never been to an Air Sex show before? Here’s what you need to know: it’s a lot like Air Guitar, but instead of rocking out with an imaginary guitar, you’re making sweet and/or filthy love with an imaginary sex partner. You choose a clip of music, you show up in whatever sort of wardrobe you like, and you come up on stage and show everyone how you do it. Or how you wish you could do it. Or how you once had it done to you, and oh my god was that a bad idea and while it’s embarrassing to show that act to a room of strangers, you know that you need to do it now in order to make sure that no one else falls down the same rabbit hole you got stuck inside. Or, you know, just do it however you want. The only rules we have are the laws laid down by the state we’re in. Since the Highline Ballroom serves alcohol, you can’t get naked. And since we serve food as well, all orgasms have to be simulated (or at least arguably so). Other than that, you’re free to do whatever it takes to impress the judges, the audience in the theater, and the world!

June 15^th 8:00pm Monday Night Burlesque @ Public Assembly, 70 N 6^th St, Brooklyn. $10; 9:00 PM: The Kickoff hosted by Jonny Porkpie starring Broadway Brassy, Coco La Pearl, Kit Cat. 10:00 PM: Professor Pinchy presents How to Sex: A do-it-yourself guide hosted by Nasty Canasta & Jonny Porkpie, Anita Cookie, Doc Wasabassco, GiGi La Femme. Let the sexy experts of Professor Pinchy's Institute for the Sex gently guide you through the simple steps necessary to make you -- yes, you! -- a whiz at HOW to SEX. HOW to SEX (a do-it-yourself guide) uncovers every aspect of intercourse in a series of easy-to-watch burlesque-based lessons, all presented live on stage. From choosing the best partner or equipment -- to accurately undressing -- to correctly putting the right thing in, around, or on the other thing -- to cleaning up afterwards, the ins and outs of this difficult and confusing task are examined in tassel-twirling detail in this burlesque self-help seminar.

Filth on the Streets #1

After beginning the weekend with a Nasty Neckface sighting, it was a delight to end it with Dick Chicken. Nothing is more delightful than a penis staring at you except when it is attached to a large amount of meat. Yum! An idea came out of this of a fish dick man...like a merman but the opposite. Stay tunes for upcoming images...

Question to graffiti artists: Why aren't more penis images plastering NYC? Penises are an awesome sight to behold and I am aching to see more.

Titillating, Vaginulating, Cockulating.

What is there to say about FUCT or Lady Circus except that they did not disappoint in the number of naked people showing all of their parts. FUCT is a group of perverse men notorious for nudity, simulated blow jobs & sex, and extremely degrading humor. Penises flapped through the air, clothing were torn off to reveal lush boobies, flaccid penises & shaved vaginas. We came for Graham Skipper and he blew our minds and made us all tingly. There really are no words to describe the nakedness and explosions of all sorts. Look at our Flikr Page and the pictures speak for themselves. Rating: A++

Write Up from the Daily Awesome: June 4th 8:00pm Cirque du Quoi @ The Skybox at House of Yes, 342 Maujer St, Brooklyn. $10/$20; The marriage of the outrageous shock comedy of FUCT and the elegant aerial dancing skills of Lady Circus. A show that is at once beautiful, hilarious, subversive and unforgettable. It is a show unlike anything in New York City - truly unique in every sense of the word. www.FUCTnyc.com

Stroking The Penis.

The "Sex Lives of Animals" exhibit at the Museum of Sex had us alternately fascinated and repulsed -- although we learned awesome facts about animal sex (did you know female hyenas have pseudopenises?), the images of a snake's moist hemipenis, a tortoise humping a curb, and female bonobos vigorously "g-g rubbing" their engorged genitalia against each other will forever feature in our nightmares.

Life-sized Real Dolls (supposedly the most realistic of sex dolls) were highlights of the museum's permanent collection. We felt them, stroking the penis and fingering the rubbery vagina and boobs, but we weren't satisfied. What did excite us were videos of fetishes that we never knew existed! Balloon fetish:  fill up a room with balloons, pop them (or watch someone else pop them), and you'll get off. Cannibal fetish:  pretend your partner is a piece of meat (literally), coat him or her in butter and/or shove an apple in the mouth, string 'em up on a spit and lightly toast over a fire.  Hot!!!!

Gross, Gross, and extra Gross. There is a reason why children don't learn about animal sex and this exhibit shows everything you never wanted to see. Museum of Sex, 233 Fifth Ave: www.museumofsex.com/exhibit/sex-lives-of-animals

Sex Art Update #1

Honey Space: Naked Penis Galore. The word "naked" covered vast amounts of the converted artist space with small areas filled with crudely drawn penises. Penises really are awesome no matter the skill behind them.

New Museum: Amongst the absurdly disappointing Younger Than Jesus exhibition we discovered one lone penis lovingly silk screened onto an enormous translucent screen, making our trip worthwhile. One Polish video of two men rearranging tanegrams only wearing codstraps (assless weird black panties) was mildly entertaining because of the partial nudity and strange homoerotic grunts.

Living Art Brooklyn Open Houses: Made with real hair, this stained-glass figure of a naked women shoving a large pig up her cootch was the only joy in this Prospect Heights Open House. While we love naked people in all shapes and uglinesses, the all glass design of the condos on Pacific and Washington didn't give off the exhibitionist feeling we would have liked; instead it overexposed the terrible architecture.

World's Famous Boob.

Winner of the Best Boobs in NYC, the World Famous Bob not only drank a martini from between her beautifully formed thunderboobs, she also mixed it with her undulations. Naked Can-Can girls pranced across the stage baring their behinds and wrapping each other in cellophane. The two hosts, Bjorn & Olga, had a wild dancing stip competition to get the audience in the mood for the continuing all night dance party. Floating Kabarette at Galapagos will be happening almost every Saturday evening, so head over to DUMBO and check out their goodies.

Write Up from the Daily Awesome: March 21st 9:00pm-2:00am Brooklyn's Free Springtime Floating Kabarette @ Galapagos Art Space, 16 Main Street, Brooklyn Emceed by Bjorn and Olga (the incredible hosts from our Obama Election night extravaganza). With Yes We Can-Can Girls, also from our Obama election night, the striking and beautiful aerielist Lisa Natoli, and six rococo revelers from 1770 Paris in powdered wigs and finery, beautiful springtime burlesque. galapagosartspace.com

Two Melons And A Cocktail Wiener.

Naked Blog staff members attended the January 27th Candlemas at the Living Theater, not expecting the glorious nakedness that awaited them. We received a blow-job to the brain when Tommy D, naked poet extraordinaire, stepped onto the stage wearing only his gym shoes. His monstrous balls (literally the size of cantaloupes) surrounded his teeny peenie, cradling it as he galloped in a circle as a part of the Wiccan throat-blessing ceremony. Angela Peluso opened the evening wearing only stiletto heels and sporting a pair of fake boobs. Her poetry moved us and her enormous teased blonde hair was inspiring. A dancing girl (Amy Uzi) adorned only in feathers and snorting rose petals was the most attractive naked person that evening, but clothes weren't the only thing she was lacking -- we thought her performance could have been better.

Write Up from the Daily Awesome: January 27th 8:00pm Pagan Candlemas @ The Living Theater, 21 Clinton St, Manhattan. Come watch a Throat-Blessing Ritual starring the Novices of the Old Ways. ArtStar and unofficial Polaroider-of-the-ASScene, Big Mike hosts a performance art extravaganza featuring nude poets, nude dancers and nude crazy people (as if there was any doubt this is truly a Big Mike production). Opening will be a throat-blessing ritual by invoking the powers of the Slavic God Veles, performed by real-life Wiccans, including our TPTwin CourtneyW. (FYI: The witches will NOT be nude.) Featuring Angela Peluso, Valmonte Sprout, Amy Uzi, Faux Maux, Rivka the live-nude-art-model and naked poet Tommy D. Open mic slots for performers following the show.

Take Your Clothes Off And Enter.

Welcome to the wonderful world of nudity.

Why naked?

Why not????

Naked people are always entertaining. They can be sexy, humorous or even vomitacious but one thing is always true. Nudity is awesome. Penises are funny. There is no disputing this well known fact.

Public Nudity is generally frowned upon, which only serves to make it even better when it occurs. We at Naked Blog attend numerous naked events and have taken it upon ourselves to alert the general public about these events. Where are they? How can you find out about them? What should you think about naked people? We will answer these questions and more.

Stay Tuned...